Today is a huge milestone in my life.
Today I can reflect on what has brought me to this point in my life.
Today I am amazed.
Today I am thankful.
Today marks 10 years of being Mrs. Chris McKinney.
As a young girl of only 16 years, I stood before the preacher, my family, my friends, and most importantly, my God, and I said, "I do" to Mr. Chris McKinney. I can't say that I knew what I was doing or that I even really even knew what true love was. I was young and naive. To be completely honest, I was more "in love" with the idea of being in love, getting married, and having my own home than I was "in love" with my soon to be husband.
The first few months that followed our marriage were a true testament to my ignorance of what was expected of a godly wife. Of course my mother taught me the importance of starting my day with God, and how do chores and keep a tidy house, but being on my own, proved that I had much to learn about making those daily rituals a priority. I wish I could say I was a fast learner, but alas, I reveled in my new found freedom and regrettably, I didn't do the things I knew I should have done.
My cooking also left much to the imagination. Living in a small travel trailer with mom and dad didn't allow for me to obtain much cooking experience. I'm so thankful that Chris loved Hamburger Helper. We literally had Hambuger Helper four times a week. :O I'm also sure that's why he doesn't love it now.
Chris and I had the ups and downs that I'm sure every newlywed couple has. We made hasty decisions, we said words in anger that should never had been said. We fought over things that looking back at now, seem so frivolous. We did learn from those earlier mistakes and grew older, and dare I say, wiser...?
Moving forward a few years...
We had tried to have a baby for a couple years with no success. I made an appointment and found out I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. Getting pregnant was going to be very difficult for us. Even with the help of fertility drugs. We were still young and seen plenty of time ahead for things to fall into place like we wanted it too.
Several more years passed by and we still hadn't had any luck in getting pregnant. It got harder on me each time I heard of a friend, or especially a younger relative getting pregnant. It wasn't a physical battle for me. It was a mental battle. I felt as though I was a huge failure at the one thing God had actually made me (as a woman) to do. I became depressed, hurt, and bitter at God.
Then came the venamous thoughts of, "Chris wishes he had married some else," and "Chris doesn't love me anymore." I became so enslaved to these degrading thoughts that I started to believe that our marriage was a mistake. I started pulling away from my husband although he assured me over and over that he loved me no matter what our present conditions. I was so blinded by satan, and my own emotions, that I wouldn't/couldn't hear him.
I fell into the deepest, darkest, and most scary place I have ever been. All while Chris tried to love and nurture me, I pulled farther into myself and darkness. I will never forget that night of despair when I wanted to end it all. Chris didn't tell me that it would be okay. He didn't tell me things would work out. He didn't try to smooth things over. He just pulled me into his arms with tears streaming down his face, and told me that nothing I did would make him stop loving me. It was that night and the days following that I realized the depths of true love.
In my lowest of lows Chris was there for me with nothing but love to offer. He was there to guide me back to the cross and the truth when I had failed to look to Jesus.
With God's help, much prayer, and a lot of work and patience, we are stronger and more in love than we've ever been. I cannot thank God enough for giving me Chris as my life partner. God knew exactly what I would need to make it through this life.
We may not have the answers to all our questions, but we are committed to God and each other for the rest of our days. And with God as the center of our marriage, we can make it.
"Together we stand, divided we fall."
If time stands and we are here for another 10 years, I have no doubt that Chris and I will still be standing together.
Love y'all!
Lacey
